Baby Blues

This is going to be another venting post and if you don't want to read you don't have to. It is another personal thing, but you are more than welcome to read.

I have been wanting to write about this issue for a little while now, but I just felt like it could get over this and that I could get better about it. But today is one of those days and I now know it is time to vent. I also wanted to just have this down for future references.

Warning this is going to be kind of blunt and talking about all those great womanly issues.
I'm not looking for a pity party either; I just need to let out my feeling.

Then:


After I had Addi I got back on birth control because I had done fine on it when I first got married. This time was a big mistake.. I kind of went crazy this time. I was mean, wanted nothing to do with Ty, just always irritable, and just grouchy. We decided that I should go off B.C just so I could go back to being normal. After I got off of it my cycle became really irregular. At first I thought that it would just regulate out and that eventually it would get back on track. But something was just not right. I was have a period about every 42 days or longer. I had a lot of pregnancy scares because my period just wouldn't show up, but eventually it would. I finally had had enough of this and decided to go see my Dr. It was time for my yearly anyways. I told him that my cycle had been crazy for the past 6 months. He told me that yes something wasn't right. He told me I had technically lost my period and that when I was bleeding it was my body just deciding that it needed to bleed. So I wasn't ovulating and all that great stuff. He put me on a Progesterone pill to help bring it back. I was on this pill for about 3 months and it did bring my cycle down to about 34 days.

Now:

We want to of course add to our family and while I was going through all this I was wanting to have another. It was hard in the few months I was on that pill because my Dr. told me to wait to get pregnant. After I was done with the pill we decided that we wanted to start trying for another baby. For the past few months I have got down and disappointed. Each month my period shows up (which is good that my body is back on course), but it is a monthly disappointment that I didn't get pregnant.

It just seems like every time I look around someone else is announcing that they are expecting. And for those that are reading this that are pregnant; I am super excited for you because having a baby is such a miracle!! But I just envy them because they could get pregnant. I feel like it is my fault that I can't get pregnant and that my body just won't allow it. I don't know how long to try before I go back to see my Dr. I guess I just figured that since it was pretty easy to get pregnant with Addi that this time would be the same.

I am just yearning for another baby and I know that it is just not time yet. Its hard when people say "isn't time for #2?" or "when are you having another one?" Sometimes I just want to tell them to mind their own business because they have no idea that I do want another one, but can't. Most times I just politely say not yet. I know that Heavenly Father will send another one our way when it is time. It is just sometimes hard to remember that when my period shows up, or another someone gets pregnant. This is definitely a trial for me right now and I know it will pass.

At least we have a beautiful baby girl right? She is my pride and my joy. I am truly am so grateful that Heavenly Father gave me her.

Ty always tells me: "You can't make them (kids) come, and you can't stop them from coming. " It is true and I just need to be patient.